Return To England

We returned to England via donkey-train and freight ship, travelling anonymously under false passports; we had decided this was the best option after the Peanut Butter Incident. We chose a small rural town where nobody knew us and set up home in a garden shed at the back of an overgrown abandoned allotment. Richard had left us at the dock, promising to be in touch. And so we waited, amusing ourselves selling the paddles we had stolen before leaving Innocence Boarding House. The devil makes work for idle hands, or so the saying goes, and after selling out of paddles we quickly became bored. After some debate and a punch-up, we decided to keep going with the ‘stall-round-the-back-of-the-market’ scheme and started to hunt around for something to sell. It was a fairly small community, so the usual ‘children and pets’ line we had resorted to in the past was out of the question. Eventually, we realised we were living on the answer! The new allotments were only over the hedge and full of lovely fruit and vegetables. It seems we had moved here at exactly the right time of year, and soon had a brisk trade going. As ever with our brilliant schemes, we were soon attracting attention and allotment owners were starting to ask difficult questions like ‘where’s our produce going?’, ‘why are the police doing nothing about these vegetable thieves?’ and ‘who are the two weirdoes at the back of the market and where are they getting their stuff from?’. We didn’t acquire a collapsible stall for nothing, so when the angry mob came looking for us we were away like two greased whippets.