We Stayed Here

This is the cosy boarding house we lived in whilst staying in Calcutta. It was run by a lovely couple who had a side-line making spanking paddles for a company called ‘SlapHappy’, whose slogan is ‘Miaow, spank me harder’. Although they specialise in cat spanking, we sometimes helped out by testing the paddles with Miss Scarlett.

How It All Began

She Don’t Write No More and Therapist Evil met whilst working in a discount meat warehouse in a low-rent part of town, trying to make ends meet after they were both slung out of their chosen professions. Disillusioned with life, they decided to team up and see the world, taking temporary jobs to earn their next fare. After some months, they settled in Calcutta, finding working in an illegal, backstreet, real-life Cluedo ring. During a binge in a drinking den in a Calcutta slum with their employer, a shadowy, one-eyed bear-wrestler known only as Colonel Mustard, they heard another English accent and went to say hello. He introduced himself as Richard, and they spent a weekend swopping stories and anecdotes about their lives. The time came for Richard to leave, they said their goodbyes and returned to their jobs concealing murder weapons and supplying anonymous bodies. Imagine their surprise when they met him again, just a few days later. They went over to say hello but he didn’t appear to recognise them, and said his name was Quintassential. Puzzled, but too drunk to care, they simply accepted his story and bought another pitcher of smoking CobraBite. After a night of drunken arguments and setting the world to rights, they once again said their goodbyes and returned to their shady employment. A few days later they met him again, and he greeted them cheerfully and with another large pitcher of what was fast becoming their favourite beverage. Still reasonably sober, they demanded an explanation for their previous meeting. He told them that that it might only be one body, but he shared with another personality who didn’t always keep up with events. He also explained that he was looking to recruit people who would help him spread his philosophy, formed from his strange existence: ‘Don't be good to other individuals. Be good to each part of your own individuality and it will all come together as a whole.’ He needed people to spread the word so he could spend time building on the knowledge gained from his unusual situation.She Don’t Write No More and Therapist Evil were impressed with his theory, and, realising that the authorities were showing an unhealthy interest in the latest spate of disappearances, decided now was a good time to get out of Calcutta, and returned to England with Richard to found innersane.

Introductions

We really should introduce ourselves properly:
She Don’t Write No More
A failed writer, she’s tried everything from sci-fi to romance, and been laughed out of every publishing house in the UK, as well as several abroad.
Therapist Evil
A holistic therapist who was struck off the register and banned from practising because of her penchant for mischief and doing more harm than good.